Tuesday, January 1, 2013

{Review} Refuge by Carole Rummage

Title: Refuge
Author: Carole Rummage
Format: NetGalley e-book ARC
Publisher: Cedar Fort Inc.
Release date: November 13, 2012
Date Read: August 23, 2012 - August 25, 2012
Laney Lowell moved across the country to escape her past, not to fall in love.

But when she becomes friends with Gabe, a handsome artist plagued by a mysterious disease, she'll have to decide between facing his dark truth or walking away from him forever.

This thrilling romance is full of twists that will keep you guessing to the last page.

ARC supplied by NetGalley and Cedar Fort Inc. in exchange for an honest review.

"Hello, and welcome to another episode of Shove Insta-Love! Today, we have a jaw-dropping new world record - by page 21, and less than three conversations, Laney and Gabe are sickeningly and laughably in love with each other. Stay tuned for more groan-inducing interviews and critique!"

REFUGE is, quite frankly, a strange book. A terrible and strange book.

Laney, of course, is an orphan, like most young-adult heroines. She, of course, is absolutely gorgeous and completely unaware of it. Don't forget, she's moved to the tiniest town ever, that just so happens to contain a really hot, dangerous guy, who's keeping a huge secret. 

Sound familiar, my friends? The only thing that isn't cliché is that Gabe has a thick Southern accent, one that when reading, made me cringe. I hate reading accents, especially Southern ones. I don't know why.

REFUGE contains the most unrealistic, unhealthy, disgusting case of falling in love I have ever encountered. People do not fall in "love" the way Gabe and Laney did. Gabe meets Laney when he says her from a big, badass bear. In my opinion, the bear should've just eaten her and I wouldn't have to write this review.

That was mean. Sorry. not really.

I have no words to describe this 'relationship' between them after Laney goes home. 
According to Laney, they totally clicked and there's electricity and sparklies and omigod it just felt so right and he's so kind - I mean he saved her from a bear because she's a damsel in distress (even though she totally should've brought something since she's going into the motherfucking woods to see wolves alone) but it doesn't matter, why would it, because they're perfect for each other and stalking each other is normal and -

Shut the hell up.

Laney and Gabe basically become obsessed with each other that night, and Laney even goes as far to say she can't afford to fall for him because she already is, pretty much.

These people have known each other for less than three hours, and this bitch is thinking about falling for him. This was where I felt like chucking my Nook at the wall, which I know is an overused statement, but I really, really did. But wait - Gabe is no better, either. In fact, I'd say he's worse. How is that possible, you say? Here's a collection of quotes from these two stalkers (notice the page numbers):
"He'd felt a fierce protectiveness [...] because of her... Gabe, pg. 19"You have feelings for this girl. Strong feelings." Gabe, pg. 21"...would only increase his desire to be with her..." Gabe, pg. 22"Dad, I don't know if I can live without her. I don't even know if I want to." Gabe, pg. 100

The last quote made me want to cry. This is not normal. Gabe has been out with her, I swear, less than six times and he already wants to die if she's not there. Literally.

Don't forget, Laney:"Just thinking about him made her want to see him again and she groaned. She knew her heart really couldn't take more tragedy now, but he had made her feel so good-" Laney, pg. 21"She knew the Jeep was his. It fit him." Laney, pg. 28"She felt like she was whole when she was with him." Laney, pg. 32

You can assume that by page fifty, these two fuckas are 'in love' with each other, and you'd be right. At least, that's how Rummage wanted it to be. 

Laney and Gabe are also the most boring, plain, uninteresting characters I've ever come across. They're so dull, they're madefor each other. I can't say anything else about them except if people came in yogurt flavors, they'd be plain. Not even vanilla. Just plain with no sugar. Actually, I can say something about Gabe: EFF YOU FOR THINKING BMWS ARE RIDICULOUS. JUST, EFF YOU YOU.
There's not one character I liked, and I hated Matthew. I hatedhim.

Now, as for the secret disease that'll 'keep me guessing until the last page'...

S-s-secret? I'm actually giggling as I write this. As soon as their 'disease' was mentioned, I guessed it. Even the cover screams LOOK LOOK LOOK WHAT GABE IS CAN'T YOU SEE? OPEN YOUR EYES! In case you're still in the dark, Gabe is a... My Little Pony.

Surprised? I'm sure as hell not.

The writing is bad. I'm sure you've read books that's definitely missing the oomph factor in writing, but here's a single, glorious, sentence...

Suddenly, Laney realized she was hungry.

To end this review, I've asked Gabe and Laney for an interview. Please be aware that even though these sound exactly like the real Gabe and Laney, I can't say it is them because I'll get sued.

à l'action!

Moi: Bonjour! Today we have two guests, Gabe and Laney, from Carole Rummage's new book, REFUGE, which has received criticism for Gabe and Laney's relationship by various reviewers, including myself. We're here to ask them some questions.
Gabe: Good day, y'all.
Laney: Hallo.
Moi: I've been wanting to ask - what's one of the biggest things you love about Laney, Gabe, since you both seem very... bland?
Gabe: She sings along to music.
Moi: *frowns slightly* But... don't a lot of people do that? I know I do. 
Gabe: Laney does it special.
Moi: "Does it special"?
Gabe: Whateva', Grammar Nazi.
Moi: *eye twitch*
Laney: And I love Gabe because he's, you know, a tortured soul. And he's hot. His eyelashes... they're, like, light on the tips and darker at the ends...
Moi: Snap out of it, stupide.
Laney: How do you say th-
Moi: Enough! Gabe, did you ever find the werewolves that turned you into one of them? Did you even bother to look?
Gabe: Uh... no.
Moi: *disgusted* They're other werewolves! Perhaps you can learn from one of them, even if they turned you into the most unoriginal paranormal creature ever. You should be ashamed.
Laney and Gabe: But-
Moi: I'm done with you. Out, out, I say! *kicks out, then turns to camera* I'm sorry, dear audience, but I cannot deal with people like these.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

No comments:

Post a Comment