{Review} School Spirits by Rachel Hawkins

Title: School Spirits
Author: Rachel Hawkins
Format: Netgalley e-book ARC
Publisher: Disney Hyperion
Release date: May 14, 2013
Date Read: April 3, 2013 - July 2, 2013
Rating: ✭✭✭

Fifteen-year-old Izzy Brannick was trained to fight monsters. For centuries, her family has hunted magical creatures.

But when Izzy's older sister vanishes without a trace while on a job, Izzy's mom decides they need to take a break. Izzy and her mom move to a new town, but they soon discover it's not as normal as it appears. A series of hauntings has been plaguing the local high school, and Izzy is determined to prove her worth and investigate.

But assuming the guise of an average teenager is easier said than done. For a tough girl who's always been on her own, it's strange to suddenly make friends and maybe even have a crush. Can Izzy trust her new friends to help find the secret behind the hauntings before more people get hurt?

Rachel Hawkins' delightful spin-off brings the same wit and charm as the New York Times best-selling Hex Hall series. Get ready for more magic, mystery and romance!

Well, it seems like this month’s sequels just aren’t living up to their predecessors, huh?

I liked the HEX HALL series for its wit, charm, and hilarity. Sophie, the main character, was a hilarious and relatable girl in an interesting school setting with a much better plot. SCHOOL SPIRITS focuses on Izzy, a girl we briefly met in the HEX HALL series, and her ghost-busting adventures at a new school.

I liked Izzy well enough, but she was rather blah compared to Sophie. Her companion and boyfriend, Dex, I very much adored. Funny, odd, and awkward, he was just what the story needed - as for the other characters, I can’t say the same.

The plot was chunky and boring - I’ve never been very engrossed by ghost stories (hell, the pilot episode of SUPERNATURAL had me rolling my eyes like nobody’s business - don’t worry, though, I grew to adore the series after a few episodes) but it felt like a roadside attraction. SCHOOL SPIRTS wasn’t really about the ghost - it was about Izzy and her friends, Izzy thinking about her missing sister, and Izzy in a normal, human, high-school environment.

I’d recommend SCHOOL SPIRITS for younger readers, or readers who really loved HEX HALL - but if you had mixed feelings about the prequel series, I doubt you’ll enjoy SCHOOL SPIRITS very much.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Walking Disaster by Jamie McGuire

Title: Walking Disaster
Author: Jamie McGuire
Format: e-book
Publisher: Atria Books
Release date: April 2, 2013
Date Read: April 29, 2013 - May 27, 2013
Rating: ✭

Finally, the highly anticipated follow-up to the New York Times bestseller Beautiful Disaster.

Can you love someone too much?

Travis Maddox learned two things from his mother before she died: Love hard. Fight harder.

In Walking Disaster, the life of Travis is full of fast women, underground gambling, and violence. But just when he thinks he is invincible, Abby Abernathy brings him to his knees.

Every story has two sides. In Beautiful Disaster, Abby had her say. Now it’s time to see the story through Travis’s eyes.

for WALKING DISASTER

Can you despise a book but still enjoy reading it?

That's a question I've often asked myself while reading Jamie McGuire's two DISASTER books, because while I spend most of my time wanting to throw them off cliffs, they're also very readable and engrossing. It's not quite a train wreck that you can't look away from - more like staring at a naked man peeing in a plaza fountain.



Wait, that's not particularly enjoyable.

Actually, ignore that. I'm drunk. A little. Not really. Not at all. I've just had a rough fucking week, okay?

McGuire isn't going to win any awards for her gorgeous writing style; that's for sure. It's really quite meh; on a scale of E.L. James to Laini Taylor. There's not a lot to say about it, besides being endlessly average.

WALKING DISASTER is angst. Really. The whole story is just a bunch of angst and slut-shaming and bagging vultures. Oh, I should probably explain. Travis calls every woman (except for Abby) who shows an interest in him a vulture, and instead of saying "we had sex" or "we banged" or even "we fucked", he goes for the charming "I bagged her". I mean, there's also the I-murdered-her-and-stuck-her-in-a-body-bag kind of bagged, but I really wouldn't put it past him.

If you want a short version of WALKING DISASTER, here it is: Travis wants to sleep with Abby. Abby says no. Abby sleeps in Travis's bed and does a bunch of questionable things that make Travis think they're more than friends, but no. Abby goes out with a guy named Parker sometimes. Travis beats the shit out of people. Angst. Angst. Angst. They get together. They break up. Travis bangs and throws out women like trash. Wash, rinse, repeat. Gangsters and Vegas and tattoos and really unrealistic fighting. Babies and a stupid ending.

The story of Travis and Abby is one of complete and utter chaos. At times, Abby could be a strong, likable female character who wouldn't take any shit from Travis. But more often, she submitted to Travis' controlling demands and partook in the slut-shaming of the very women she had often defended. I felt like McGuire couldn't get a grip on Abby; her personalities and actions were so different. I had a hard time believing it was all the same character. She's pretty much the definition of hot-and-cold.

If I ever had the chance to speak to Travis - to tell him only one sentence - it'd be kind of obvious, seeing as my hatred for him knows no bounds.



Okay, I know Petyr Baelish probably isn't the best person to tell someone to go fuck themselves, but give me a break.

Travis is literally one of the worst male characters I've ever encountered in all my years of reading. Actually, he's probably in the top five. I genuinely cannot understand how anyone could have an ounce of respect, admiration, or love for this violent, awful misogynist. He has no sense of self-control or humiliation, and someone needs to SIT HIM THE FUCK DOWN AND TELL HIM TO GET OFF HIS HIGH HORSE. He tore apart an entire bedroom, smashed furniture - just because Abby had left without telling him. 

Travis is a fucking psychopath. A PSYCHOPATH, NOT A HIGH-FUNCTIONING SOCIOPATH.



He treats everyone - even the people he supposedly respects - horribly, and he's more of a mother to Abby than a boyfriend. 

Abby, you can't wear that.

Abby, you can't do that.

Abby, you can't be a fucking person and stand up for yourself.

I was convinced that by the end of WALKING DISASTER, he would've went to the veterinarian and gotten Abby a microchip so he could always find her if she ran away. He reduced her to his pet. 

By the way, since when does the FBI recruit unstable, uncontrollable, dangerous men?



Answer: since Will Graham but please just ignore that part he's my baby and he needs love and medical care and teddy bears

I'm talking about Travis. Travis begins working for the FBI. It's funny, I think, because in a lot of new adult books I read, the main characters end up successful from careers that are not suited for them at all. Kind of a "fuck it, let's make the male love interest into a gang-busting government worker!" for NO REASON AT ALL.

I don't think there is a single character in WALKING DISASTER that I enjoyed completely. Hell, the only person I didn't want to strangle was . . . oh, wait.

No one.

America, Abby's best friend, could be really smart at times (like when she slapped some common sense into Abby and told her to stay away from Travis) but she also shipped them and encouraged them to get back together, even after witnessing all the shit Travis had put Abby through. Her boyfriend, Shepley, Travis' cousin, is also annoying as hell. Even Parker, supposedly the 'nice guy' and Abby's boyfriend, was a disrespectful asshole at times. To be fair, I'd take Parker over Travis any day, but still. 

I can count, with one hand, the amount of women who weren't 'sluts', 'whores', 'vultures', or 'skanks' by the definitions of every fucking person in this book. With the exception of Travis' mother in the beginning, and Kara, Abby's other roommate, every woman in WALKING DISASTER was sexualized. Not even Travis' bartender friend, who he had no desire to sleep with, was safe from his frat brother's attentions.

So, basically, this book was shit and if I write any more, I'm going to get incredibly frustrated and end up breaking someone's face. This whole book felt like it was McGuire's subtle-but-not-subtle-enough response to her critics, defending every negative thing we had to say.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Flyaway by Lucy Christopher

Title: Flyaway
Author: Lucy Christopher
Format: Paperback
Publisher: Chicken House
Release date: October 1, 2011
Date Read: May 28, 2013 - June 2, 2013
Rating: ✭✭✭✭✭

One cold winter morning, Dad gets sick – and goes into hospital. It’s there I meet Harry, with his scruffy hair and firefly eyes. From his window we watch a wild swan on the frozen lake outside. There’s something different about her, truly different. Almost magical. Perhaps, if we can help her, everything else will begin to make sense.

While visiting her father in hospital, Isla meets Harry, the first boy to understand her and her love of the outdoors. But Harry is ill, and as his health fails, Isla is determined to help him in the only way she knows how.

Together they watch a lone swan struggling to fly on the lake outside Harry’s window. Isla believes that if she can help the damaged swan, somehow she can help Harry. And in doing so, she embarks upon a breathtakingly magical journey of her own.

One of the reasons I love Lucy Christopher's books so much are because they're real. She knows that the teenagers reading her books aren't stupid, and instead of treating her younger teenage readers like they're nine, she gives us a novel that can be read by anyone.

Seeing as the narrator of FLYAWAY is a thirteen year-old girl, Lucy Christopher could've written a juvenile middle-grade book with ridiculously simple writing and stiff dialogue. But she didn't. Lucy Christopher knows teenagers; she knows we're smarter than society thinks we are, and she doesn't fuck around. FLYAWAY was a smart book with beautiful messages and intricate characters.

I had a friend die of leukemia several months ago, and when I learned that Harry, one of the main characters in FLYAWAY, suffered from the same type of cancer, I nearly put the book down because it upset me so much. It brought back memories I wasn't ready to face and I spent most of the time reading this book with watery eyes. 

I've always loved the aspect of bonding with animals (I mean, SPIRIT is probably by favorite animation ever) and FLYAWAY gave me that and so much more. I mean, it also caused me a lot of pain and tears, but it was worth it. Every character is detailed and interesting, and Harry and Isla's romance friendship literally made me squeal and sob and scream at the walls.

I have a feeling a lot of people haven't read this because it's a middle-grade novel, technically, but if you're avoiding this book because of its age group...

GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND READ IT

OKAY

Also, a million hugs to Vanessa, for sending me a signed copy of FLYAWAY all the way from England. Thank you so much. I love you.



of course i'm not ugly crying who told you that hahaha

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare

Title: Clockwork Princess
Author: Cassandra Clare
Format: Hardcover
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books
Release date: March 19, 2013
Date Read: March 19, 2013 - April 13, 2013
Rating: ✭✭✭✭✭

Tessa Gray should be happy - aren't all brides happy?
Yet as she prepares for her wedding, a net of shadows begins to tighten around the Shadowhunters of the London Institute.
A new demon appears, one linked by blood and secrecy to Mortmain, the man who plans to use his army of pitiless automatons, the Infernal Devices, to destroy the Shadowhunters. Mortmain needs only one last item to complete his plan. He needs Tessa. And Jem and Will, the boys who lay equal claim to Tessa's heart, will do anything to save her.

I can dislike Cassandra Clare, her MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series, and what she's done for however long I'd like, but that doesn't mean I don't absolutely adore this series. I won't feel ashamed for loving THE INFERNAL DEVICES. I refuse. 

This is one of my favorite series, and nothing will change that.

I read CLOCKWORK PRINCESS very slowly. I don't know why; perhaps it was because I didn't want to finish it, maybe it was because I was in a reading slump, or more likely: I just wasn't interested.

It took over a month of staring at the book, picking it up, and putting it back down before I forced myself to open it up, for realthis time, and start over.

And once I was sucked in, that was the end. I stayed up late at night reading; I skipped the first few minutes of class to hide in corner of the bathroom and finish the chapter; I stopped watching GAME OF THRONES for a few days just so I could reach the end.

The day I finished was one of the most miserable days in my existence. It wasn't just the book, though that contributed for sure. I pushed a chair against my door, and curling up in my bed, threw the covers over my head and began to cry. I sobbed and sniffled pathetically for at least an hour, and then I took a shower and went to bed at nine. I had a horrible nightmare and woke up sweating.

CLOCKWORK ANGEL has a special place in my heart, because it was one of the first books I ever 'reviewed' when I joined the blogosphere. I fell in love with the characters, and the story, and the writing when it wasn't riddled with hundreds of similes and metaphors.

I was fearful that CLOCKWORK PRINCESS would disappoint me and cause me unnecessary stress and sadness. 

It didn't disappoint me, not at all, but it sure devastated me.

CLOCKWORK PRINCESS wraps up the whole series lovingly and grievingly, sparing none of your emotions and crushing your heart. The conclusion will leave some thrilled and others crying uncontrollably. I, unfortunately, was in the latter group. 

Every character was so carefully detailed and crafted. It was hard for me not to love them all I failed at not adoring them, sorryharder for me not to scream and pull my hair out when bad things happened to them. They were so real, and that will always be Clare's strongest point in writing. They're so realistic; they act like assholes and they make mistakes and they go through the same pain that real people do.

I'd always enjoyed reading about Tessa; she was likable if a little dull, and she developed so much in this book. Looking back at the first book, the difference between past Tessa and current Tessa is unbelievable. 

Same with Will: I hated him with a burning passion at first. You, Will, were hysterical...



By CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, he was nearly unrecognizable. His horrible, prickly exterior had been stripped off, and beneath was a stunningly insecure soul who just needed love. He was still hilariously snarky at times, but it wasn't meant to degrade anyone.

Jem Carstairs has been my favorite literary character of all time since I read CLOCKWORK ANGEL a few years back. His undying sweetness, kindness, and loyalty to Will melted my heart the very first page he was introduced. CLOCKWORK PRINCESS revolves around Jem's illness and the countdown to his death, and that was probably the main reason CLOCKWORK PRINCESS hit me so hard. 

Jem and Will have this love for each other that even Tessa will never be able to interfere with. It's so beautiful and strong and unbreakable. I honestly spent most of my time holding back tears every time they were together.

There was so much angst in CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, and the love triangle was so damn... well, angsty. I was shipping Jill (Jem and Will) by page thirty, and all I wanted them to do was to say FUCK TESSA and elope and adopt beautiful children. Who cares if parabati can't have relationships? Besides being a Jill shipper, I'm also a Wessa shipper but a bigger Jessa shipper, so I was really quite hoping they'd have a threesome and just end it there.

Obviously, it didn't happen in that exact order that didn't happen.

Jem and Tessa have such a beautiful, lasting, strong bond. It's impossible to sever and only gets stronger with time. But Will and Tessa's love is bright and explosive omg I want to say TACO BELL but that's not appropriate and passionate. Tessa is in love with them both, and yes, I think it's possible.

It's like someone asking, "what's your favorite book?" I'm betting over seventy percent of bloggers and readers can't answer that, because they love so many. Tessa has two favorites, because she's a lucky bitch and lucky bitches get what they want.

The love triangle ended in a way that I was half pleased with and half distressed over. 

If you're a Jill shipper, you'll cry.
If you're a Jessa shipper, you'll cry. 
If you're a Wessa shipper, you'll cry. 
If you're a Wemssa shipper, you will definitely cry. 

Either way, you're fucked.

I've always admired Clare for the way she manages to intertwine THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS with THE INFERNAL DEVICES. All the family trees are kept straight and correct unlike the Warriors series, where Rowanclaw apparently undergoes an operation to turn into a male, and various questions that have appeared in her MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series are answered here. Though, I would love to see her try to manage the family tree with four possible Shadowhunter series. *snorts*

I feel as if Clare saw all the angry status updates a lot of bloggersincluding me were posting up about the SHEER AMOUNT OF SIMILES AND METAPHORS IN THESE GODDAMN BOOKS. Pages and pages of her MORTAL INSTRUMENTS series could've been cut if she had calmed the fuck down with the purple writing. CLOCKWORK PRINCESS shows a growth and maturity in the writing style that I never thought Clare could handle. 

Now, CLOCKWORK PRINCESS is not without its faults. Several parts of it annoyed and frustrated me beyond understanding.

And, of course, that ending. Tears.

CLOCKWORK PRINCESS was an appropriately heart-breaking ending to a beautiful series, and though I'm sad to see it end, I don't think it will be the last time we hear of the trio.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Entwined by Heather Dixon

Title: Entwined
Author: Heather Dixon
Format: Paperback
Publisher: Scholastic
Release date: March 29, 2011
Date Read: April 15
Rating: ✭✭

Azalea is trapped. Just when she should feel that everything is before her... beautiful gowns, dashing suitors, balls filled with dancing... it's taken away. All of it.

The Keeper understands. He's trapped, too, held for centuries within the walls of the palace. And so he extends an invitation.

Every night, Azalea and her eleven sisters may step through the enchanted passage in their room to dance in his silver forest.

But there is a cost.

The Keeper likes to keep things.

Azalea may not realize how tangled she is in his web until it is too late.

I had high hopes for ENTWINED, especially since retellings aretotally my thing, and I adore most fairy tales: especially The Twelve Dancing Princesses... well, not the original version, where the eldest sister marries this old solider and it's all very creepy.

Fortunately, Azalea, our main character and the eldest sister, doesn't end up marrying an elderly man. Unfortunately, the book just wasn't for me.

I did like the plot; a pretty original twist on the classic. However, it didn't keep my interest the whole way and I quickly began to get bored with it. I thought it was much more middle grade than young adult, because I could see how it was fluffy and cute, even though I didn't feel that way.

The sisters each had their own personality and traits (it was hard to confuse them), but they are behaved immaturely and far younger than their actual age. They giggled and squealed so much that I was sure I'd loose my mind. Azalea, especially, I found dull and quite unlikable, and I couldn't see what everyone else saw in her. Mr. Bradford was boring and stiff. It's very possible to craft a sweet, kind, "nice-guy" without making him snore-worthy. The King I did like when he wasn't sucking in his damn cheeks half the time; his character growth was fantastic and I really enjoyed reading about him. Our villain, the Keeper (not really a spoiler, honestly) was frightening and fascinating... at first.

The writing was lovely, for a fairy tale. It never would've worked if it wasn't, being a very distant and detached style with a lot of uncommonly used words pussyfooted .

ENTWINED may be truly amazing for some, but I didn't think so.

also, I'm aware that was one of the worst reviews I've ever written. GO AWAY.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Under the Never Sky by Veronica Rossi

Title: Under the Never Sky
Author: Veronica Rossi
Format: Hardcover
Publisher: HarperTeen
Release date: January 3, 2012
Date Read: April 5, 2013
Rating: ✭✭✭✭✭

Exiled from her home, the enclosed city of Reverie, Aria knows her chances of surviving in the outer wasteland—known as The Death Shop—are slim. If the cannibals don't get her, the violent energy storms will. Then Aria meets an Outsider named Perry. He's wild—a savage—and her only hope of staying alive.

A hunter for his tribe in a merciless landscape, Perry views Aria as sheltered and fragile—everything he would expect from a Dweller. But he needs Aria's help too; she alone holds the key to his redemption. Opposites in nearly every way, Aria and Perry must come together to survive. Their unlikely alliance forges a bond that will determine the fate of all who live under the never sky.

I owe this book so much.

For several months, I’d been a horrendous reading slump - the kind where you have a pile of books to choose from and read, but you actively avoid them all and spend your free time stuffing your face with junk food and watching Netflix.

I’d received a lot of advise for the slump: read novellas, read comedy books, and watch more television (which was a really bad idea, because then I watched all eight seasons of SUPERNATURAL in a row).

But I decided to pick up UNDER THE NEVER SKY because it just seemed like something that would interest me.

And oh, gods, did it.

This book bitch-slapped me out of my slump and set me on a ridiculous path to read as many books as I’d missed out while on my little... vacation.

UNDER THE NEVER SKY takes place in a world where the city dwellers live in a community known as the Reverie, completely excluded from the dangerous outer wasteland, where cannibals feast and the land is swamped with Aether storms. Our protagonist, Aria, gets into a bit of a fight with some very important bastards and gets thrown out of the Reverie, left to fend for herself.

However, she’s not alone for long. ‘Savage’ Perry is on a quest to find someone, and Aria goes along with him to seek out answers and look for her missing mother.

I’m going to be perfectly honest: the beginning of UNDER THE NEVER SKY was no picnic. It was confusing and I had no idea what was going on. I didn’t understand what Aria meant by Pods and the Reverie and Smarteyes and Aether. Hell, I still didn’t even know what the words meant by page one hundred! I would’ve preferred info-dumping to the lack of information in the first half.

But slowly, you began to unravel the meaning behind the words, and that’s when the world building got awesome. It was like someone had wiped and cleaned my finger-print ridden classes soon as I figured it all out.



I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON AND IT WAS EPIC

The world Rossi had created for her characters was richly imaginative. The science fiction was so engrossing, but the outskirts, outside the enclosed city, was even better. I couldn’t put the book down. 

I literally considered skipping math class to hide out in the bathroom and continue reading.

but the bathroom is full of weave and dirty toilet paper and weird moth bugs so I was just like FORGET IT I'LL RUIN THE BOOK'S COVER

The characters all had these realistic backstories and personalities. I didn't like Aria at all for the first half of the book, but as soon as she got her shit together, I really started to appreciate her. Perry I loved as soon as I met him - he was kind of a badass awkward penguin that I couldn't help but adore.

And Roar.

ROAR, YOU GUYS.


okay, so a gif of my baby Castiel exploding probably wasn't my best move ever, but still

There was no insta-love in Perry and Aria's romance, though there was a bit of romantic tension after they became friends. Their relationship was so adorable and realistic, and equal. Perry snapped at Aria when she was being a bitch, Aria called out Perry when he was being a unknowing jerk, and it was all well and good. There were also hysterical moments in their relationship, like when Aria thinks she's dying because she got her period, and Perry is the one who tells her that she's menstruating.

I was crying from laughing so hard. 

Roar's relationship with Aria was fantastic, too, because even though he was a flirt, they were just friends, and they both knew it. Roar was in love with someone else, and I'm thankful Rossi didn't pull the dreaded love-triangle card on us.

I loved Rossi's writing. It was pretty and easy to read, going along with the intense world-building perfectly. UNDER THE NEVER SKY is indeed written in third-person with both Aria and Perry's points of view - but their voices were so varying and unique I never had to worry about mixing them up.

Veronica Rossi got me out of a damn slump with this amazing read, and I have her to thank for many months to come.

Also, I blame her for tearing my throats to shreds.

I honest-to-goodness screamed and snorted and squealed my way through this lovely work, and while my throat didn't enjoy the ride, I sure did.


DAMMIT MORIARTY WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK IN MY REVIEWS

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Partials by Dan Wells

Title: Partials
Author: Dan Wells
Format: Library Hardcover
Publisher: Balzar + Bray
Release date: February 28, 2012
Date Read: March 29, 2013
Rating: ✭✭✭

The human race is all but extinct after a war with Partials--engineered organic beings identical to humans--has decimated the population. Reduced to only tens of thousands by RM, a weaponized virus to which only a fraction of humanity is immune, the survivors in North America have huddled together on Long Island while the Partials have mysteriously retreated. The threat of the Partials is still imminent, but, worse, no baby has been born immune to RM in more than a decade. Our time is running out.

Kira, a sixteen-year-old medic-in-training, is on the front lines of this battle, seeing RM ravage the community while mandatory pregnancy laws have pushed what's left of humanity to the brink of civil war, and she's not content to stand by and watch. But as she makes a desperate decision to save the last of her race, she will find that the survival of humans and Partials alike rests in her attempts to uncover the connections between them--connections that humanity has forgotten, or perhaps never even knew were there.

Dan Wells, acclaimed author of I Am Not a Serial Killer, takes readers on a pulsepounding journey into a world where the very concept of what it means to be human is in question--one where our humanity is both our greatest liability and our only hope for survival.

Oh, man. This book made me feel like humanity was my nasty ex, and I had just dumped his ass before snapping my fingers in Z-formation.

By that, I mean most of the humans in this book pissed me off - though they were supposed to. 

PARTIALS takes place in a futuristic world where humanity is quickly going extinct after a virus released during the Partial-Human war kills off babies less than a week after birth. Kira Walker, sixteen, is a medic-in-training. When someone important to her becomes pregnant, she resolves to find a Partial, experiment on it, and try to save the human race. But there’s more background to the war and the Partials than she initially thought, and what she discovers will turn her world upside down. 

That was about the shittiest blurb I’ve ever written but GIVE ME A BREAK OKAY AND THIS WILL BE A MINI REVIEW BECAUSE I’M TIRED.

The world-building and plot was amazing, hands-down. It was extremely immersive, and even though I didn’t understand a lot of the medical talk being the idiot that I am, I still appreciated the effort Wells put into it. It was very, well, scientific.

The politics and government in PARTIALS was brilliant, and this book made me feel like humanity was my nasty ex, and I had just dumped his ass before snapping my fingers in Z-formation. I mean, TEAM NATURE, Y'ALL.

By that, I mean I was cheering when I read about the flora and fauna taking over the cities.

I didn’t like most of the characters, Samm the Partial being an exception. I loved how sweet and mysterious he was without being a huge jerk. While Kira was a determined badass, she was also boneheaded and whiny. Her friends annoyed the crap out of me, particularly Madison and Marcus, her boyfriend.

There wasn’t a lot of romance in PARTIALS, though when there was, it was with Marcus, Kira’s boyfriend. Not Samm. Unfortunately.

YOU CAN HEAR ME GROANING FROM HERE

The writing was average for me, honestly. Some people didn’t care for it and others couldn’t get enough, but I found it to be alright.

PARTIALS didn’t consume me as much as I thought it would, being a predictable read and all, but it was good anyway.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.

{Review} Various Positions by Martha Schabas

Title: Various Positions
Author: Martha Schabas
Format: NetGalley ebook ARC
Publisher:  Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Release date: February 14, 2012
Date Read: March 17, 2013
Rating: ✭

Trapped between the hormone-driven world of her friends and the discontent of her dysfunctional family, fourteen-year-old Georgia is only completely at ease when she's dancing. When she is accepted into Canada's preeminent ballet school, Georgia thinks it is the perfect escape. Artistic Director Roderick Allen singles her out as a star, subjecting her to increasingly intensive training, and Georgia obsesses about becoming the perfect, disciplined student. But as she spends more and more time with Roderick, it's not so clear exactly what their relationship means. Is he her teacher and mentor, or is there something more? These blurred lines will threaten both Roderick's future at the academy and Georgia's ambitions as a ballerina.

For VARIOUS POSITIONS

Dude, that was a really weird book.

Weird in the way that you're going to remember it, but not in a good way.

VARIOUS POSITIONS I'd love to see you try to come up with a dirtier title than that shit is the story of fourteen year old Georgia and her adventures in seducing her ballet teacher, copying porn poses, acting like an idiot, and hurting everyone around her.

I mean, it sounds about right to me.

VARIOUS POSITIONS had a really strange plot, because it wasn't about the ballet. It was about a seriously fucked-up girl from a fucked-up family living in a fucked-up world.

Sounds like me.

I didn't enjoy the odd plot. I had high hopes when I first read the blurb, mostly because it was being compared to The Black Swan for teenagers (which I loved). However, it wasn't what I was looking for at all.

I understand that VARIOUS POSITIONS is about a girl experimenting with her own sexuality, but as someone Georgia's age and ten times more perverted (hey, I was raised in a French family), her sexual thoughts were downright disturbing.

She gives forty-year old men 'suggestive faces', tries kissing her ballet teacher Roderick, and can't look a single person in the eye without imagining herself having sex with them. 

I mean, I don't even do that and that's saying something.

The writing, I had to admit, was beautiful. Schabas is a very talented writer, because the style was quite beautiful. However, the plot and characters dragged her debut novel down. VARIOUS POSITIONS never got dull, but it was never quite absorbing, either.

I hated every single character in VARIOUS POSITIONS. There was not one redeemable character that I grew to love, and most of all, I hated Georgia.

Georgia screws up massively, and then blames everyone but herself. She constantly shames the more 'sexual' girls for not acting as virginal as she does. By sexual, I mean swiping on some lipgloss. That's right: Georgia mentally taunts the other girls and makes fun of them for wearing an ounce of makeup.

Bitch, when I go shopping, I do go for the shirt that makes my boobs look big! And I do like wearing makeup, because it makes me look better. I feel more confident with it, and as a result I TURN INTO A FUCKING BADASS.

And I have plenty of 'self-respect', so fuck you.

Georgia doesn't take responsibility for her actions, and her age is not an excuse to act like a fucking moron. Georgia puts her friend in the hospital for anorexia with her seriously flawed 'diet' and doesn't think about it twice. She has consensual, willing unprotected sex with another guy and suddenly gets up, calls him names, and acts like he's raped her. Georgia believes that her ballet teacher Roderick lusts after her (though there are absolutely no indications) and tries to make out with him. Even though he pushes her away immediately, he gets in huge trouble, and is labeled a pedophile and a predator.

I'm probably more immature than Georgia, but I know not to take naked pictures of myself and send them to Roderick.



I MEAN SERIOUSLY DOES SHE HAVE HALF A BRAIN

Roderick is an asshole and a dickface, but he doesn't deserve what he got. Even though Georgia promised to tell everyone he wasn't the one that kissed her, his reputation will be forever tainted, and Georgia will just be that poor girl who made a little mistake and got to go to another new.

It's so unfair and I nearly threw the book across the room.

All of Georgia's 'friends' are bitchy, one-dimensional, and unlikable. Georgia's parents seriously screwed her up, and their relationship with her was strained and sad. I despised them all, really.

One last thing, though. A ballet dancer in VARIOUS POSITIONS was considered chubby because of her thighs, but by ballet standards, 'chubby legs' are probably more thin than mine are ever going to get.

*looks down at thighs guilty* I should've probably written this review on the treadmill, huh?

Even though I wasn't a fan of this book, Schabas sure knows how to reel us in and keep us interested. I'll probably read future books of hers.

Oceana is a French-blooded teenager who enjoys stalking British boys and asking them to marry her. She was diagnosed with severe fangirl disorder in 2011. Able to curse like a sailor with an angelic voice.